Slug Deterrent

I'm lost for words. Which is unusual, mostly I'm just lost. It's like a jungle down here man, you ought to see a dandelion from my perspective. Anyway, why am I lost for words? Those guys at The Sustainable Living Project are talking about slug deterrents. And believe me what upsets a slug also upsets me. We are brothers of the bellyfoot tribe and we are not impressed by humans trying to eliminate us.

You seem to think it is alright if you get someone else to do your dirty work for you. Ooh, make your garden toad and frog friendly you say. Invite a few hedgehogs. A family of shrews is always good for upsetting the gastropod neighbours. But nothing is quite so scary to us as those dastardly nematodes. You know what they do? They creep inside you, release deadly bacteria so that we can't eat and eventually starve to death and then when they've done breeding inside us (yes you heard right they use our insides as nematode nurseries) they burst out to attack yet more innocent and unsuspecting gastropods.

Bring back the beer traps. Believe me, we much prefer to go that way. And look, I'm sure we can talk about this sensibly. Never heard of negotiation? A lettuce for me, a lettuce for you (ok I might nibble yours a bit), another lettuce for me and another and another and another! I've no idea why humans have got it in for us?

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How to build a garden shed!

I like sheds, they are great places for us gastropods to hang out in. Especially when it's too hot and dry and we need somewhere cool and shady. Currently our garden doesn't have a shed and I have to make do with what arrangements are available - mostly pots and dry stone walls. Thankfully the humans are intending to do something about this, they have plans! Anyone would think they were about to embark on a pyramid the way they go on, but bless them - they are just inexperienced.

Having hung around quite a few gardens for a good many years I like to think I know a thing or two. Provided you don't kill us with your chemicals we have a reasonable life-span! Here are some pointers I think the humans should consider:

This is not one for Billy-No-Mates! It takes two humans to construct a shed, make sure you call in back up!

Think very carefully about where you are going to site your shed, not on top of underground wiring and cables for example. Make sure you can access your shed from all sides and think about the position of doors and windows.

The floor of your shed should be elevated on runners, to keep it clear of excess water. It also makes a great hidey-hole for gastropods and overwintering inseccts. It's a good idea to treat the bottom of the floor with wood preservative before starting construction. (Keep it eco-friendly though, no nasty chemicals please!)

Hard standing will be necessary for your shed if you want it straight and you want it to last. Make sure this is absolutely level!

Always start with the back gable and a plain wall, the window and door sides should come last.

Felting for the roof should be laid horizontally along the bottom edge first. You repeat on the other side and then finish with a piece in the middle that evenly overlaps the other strips. Secure with tacks all along to prevent lifting.

Okay humans, over to you, I'm looking forward to your efforts at building a garden shed and moving in with all my mates here at the Sustainable Living Project.

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SLS Free Shampoos

Now, I've talked about being nice to gastropods. I've talked about being nice to each other ie not using each other as slave labour for cheap clothes. Now it's time to be nice to yourself! Because your worth it apparently!!!

I get really upset about excessive use of toxic chemicals, it all builds up you know. Just imagine, you put those rotten blue pellets around your hostas to stop me from having an innocent nibble, next thing you know I'm dead. But I'm also poison. Along comes a black bird, not my favourite mates admittedly, sees me looking all juicy, thinks 'dinner' to himself and next thing you know he's full of the nasty blue pellets. It's a process known as bio-accumulation. Sometimes the toxic effects grow exponentially as toxins proceed up through the food chain, this is bio-magnification -bad news if you're a whale, not so great if you're human either.

But of course, you lot aren't just throwing chemicals all over your gardens and offending me. Oh no, you bring them into your own homes everywhere. You even rub them into your scalp on a daily basis. Don't believe me? When was the last time you read the ingredients on the back of a bottle of shampoo? Did you know that SLS or sodium lauryl sulphate was an industrial degreasant? You want to clean your head with that? It can cause pitting of the skin and allows these chemicals to pass into the bloodstream. SLS has been known to cause improper eye development in infants. You might really want to think twice before your next hairwash. Or at least go and check this article out at Sustainable Living Project.

Oh dear, I think I need a nice picture of a juicy plant to cheer me up - oops, just like that pak choi above - that's better. Now go and check out the alternatives to shampoos that are laced with chemical nasties.

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Fair Trade Textiles

Wow! I told you I was slow. but hey a post a year is not bad when all you've got is a slimy foot. Anyone want to borrow my keyboard?

As you may remember I get very upset when you humans treat the world badly. What amazes me even more is you treat each other badly. What is wrong with you people? Okay, I'll tell you what I'm talking about.

Think about the T-shirt on your back, or indeed any other clothes your wearing. If they're not synthetic there's a good chance it's made from cotton. Any idea who grew that cotton? Any idea who stitched it together for you? If you bought it cheap in a supermarket I'm willing to bet the people involved in its production have had a pretty raw deal of it. You might think slavery is behind you but you're wrong, it's not in the past, it's just in another part of the world. Conveniently, you can't see it. But you are still benefitting from someone's slave labour.

Is there a better way to buy your clothes? (I accept that you can't all have beautiful shells like me.) Well yes, it's called Fairtrade. It's called paying the real price for what something is worth both in terms of human labour and protecting the environment. Learn more about Fairtrade with Goo at the Sustainable Living Project. (I think she actually has borrowed my keyboard!) and she will tell you all about Fair Trade Textiles as she celebrates fairtrade fortnight.

Now be good to each other and be kind to the world. I'll try and post a little more often, it's still a bit cold for us snails and I would like to retire to my terracotta pot for now if you don't mind.

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