Slug Deterrent

I'm lost for words. Which is unusual, mostly I'm just lost. It's like a jungle down here man, you ought to see a dandelion from my perspective. Anyway, why am I lost for words? Those guys at The Sustainable Living Project are talking about slug deterrents. And believe me what upsets a slug also upsets me. We are brothers of the bellyfoot tribe and we are not impressed by humans trying to eliminate us.

You seem to think it is alright if you get someone else to do your dirty work for you. Ooh, make your garden toad and frog friendly you say. Invite a few hedgehogs. A family of shrews is always good for upsetting the gastropod neighbours. But nothing is quite so scary to us as those dastardly nematodes. You know what they do? They creep inside you, release deadly bacteria so that we can't eat and eventually starve to death and then when they've done breeding inside us (yes you heard right they use our insides as nematode nurseries) they burst out to attack yet more innocent and unsuspecting gastropods.

Bring back the beer traps. Believe me, we much prefer to go that way. And look, I'm sure we can talk about this sensibly. Never heard of negotiation? A lettuce for me, a lettuce for you (ok I might nibble yours a bit), another lettuce for me and another and another and another! I've no idea why humans have got it in for us?

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